Why is it that facial hair is so emotive and divisive? Very few people appear to be ambivalent about beards. Love them or hate them, everyone has an opinion. I wonder why? Whiskers are, after all, a natural feature on the face of all men – to a lesser or greater degree.
A beard is defined as the facial hair that grows on the cheeks, chin and upper lip of a man, and of the unfortunate woman.
So what is it about beards? I decided to investigate.
Beards have ebbed and flowed throughout history in their lengths, styles and popularity. Although fashion has played a role, religion and politics have had a much greater influence.
In the Mosaic Law, men were commanded to wear beards. The trimming and shaving of any part was not allowed. Those forcibly denuded of their facial manliness, thus humiliated, were allowed to withdraw from society until their beard was fully restored. Assyrians, Babylonians, Canaanites and many other nations were decidedly hairy. Sumerians were clean-shaven. Egyptians went the whole hog and shaved the entire head – and then strapped on fake beards. Even the women! “My darling Cleopatra, your eyes sparkle like jewels, your lips are luscious, your teeth are pure ivory, your beard flows between your breasts...”. Steady on, Marc!
In the Christian Greek Scriptures (New Testament), there is no mention of the subject whatsoever. Unless one includes a possible subliminal message in the choice of goats as an illustration of those who go off into everlasting cutting off – of the beard. Condemned to eternal shaving by the demon barber, the Barber of De Vil. The fact is that, although the early members of Christianity were Jewish and therefore bearded, the congregation quickly became very cosmopolitan upon being opened up to Gentiles in 36 CE.
Ancient Greeks were bearded, until a young upstart called Alexander decided to shave and subsequently required all his men to do the same. His reason was that the enemy would have one fewer handle by which to grasp his foe. Conformity by specious reasoning? Anyway, Greeks who became Christian were likely clean-shaven. Romans too, after General Scipio went under the blade and everyone else followed suit. It was during this period that the 'philosopher's beard' made a showing. And then Hadrian reversed the trend in the second century CE. Could that have been related to a certain wall-building project on the Scottish border? Practicalities against the climate and the evil Scottish midge?
Of course Roman Catholics are never slow in spotting an opportunity to impose upon and dominate man (and woman). Beards are seen as a symbol of manliness and virility. Can't have celibate priests displaying those qualities. So with scrapers and blowtorches they were dealt with. Torture by Grillette and death by Wilkinson's sword! Well, maybe not but they no doubt considered it as fertile ground for a new crusade. That said, papal facial flocculence did make an appearance on the chops of Pope Julius II (1512) and others through to Innocent XII (1700).
Muhammad required the growing of the beard and the trimming of the mustache for all Muslims. Sikhism is a notably hairy religion, cranially hidden beneath the turban. Orthodox Jews still cling to The Law. Mormons forbid the wearing of the beard – but they also forbid the drinking of tea and coffee, whilst embracing polygamy. And so it came to pass that Joseph S. made up his own rules.
There was a notable fashion-based beard renaissance in the second half of the nineteenth century. Brahms, Engels, Darwin, Dickens, Tolstoy, Russell and many others all sported magnificent bushes. Ab Lincoln was the first hirsute US president, Will Taft the last, although merely mustachioed.
These days, hairiness in the fickle western world is driven by the inventing and marketing departments of the beauty and grooming industry. A new twenty bladed, ultra close and smooth shaving device will be advertised by an impossibly handsome, semi-clad bloke metamorphosing, by its use, into something utterly irresistible to some gorgeous gal. She is so shallow that had he shaved with anything less, she would have been repulsed. Then someone will decide that a bit of rough is better, the new cool. Smooth is out and so a mini combine-harvester takes over as the must-have device for managing stubble. For those who wish to sport partial beards – mustaches, goatees, sideburns and combos thereof – there is an array of tools for creating facial topiary, sculpted into a myriad shapes, varieties and works of art.
In the US it is unlawful for companies to demand clean-shavenness without practical reason. This is on the grounds of discrimination given that men of Afro-Caribbean descent are prone to 'razor bumps' – the tight curly hairs being inclined to return to the warm follicle having taken one look at the scary outside world.
At least wearing a beard in these days of sexual ambiguity distinguishes a male as a male. Or does it? Hormone treatments and plastic surgery, 'women' with curiously deep voices, men looking suspiciously smooth and effeminate... and what was that Eurovision act that seemed to be both? Help!
The last word goes to Beatrice:
He that hath a beard is more than a youth and he that hath no beard is less than a man.
Much Ado About Nothing!
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